he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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