I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
