And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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