cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize