her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Randomize
