id be glad to
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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