I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
