his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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