big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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