I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
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Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
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It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize