I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize