all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.