I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
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