You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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