i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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