Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
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I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
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He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up