someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.