Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
