I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
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did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.