you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
23 Insane Reasons People Got Fired
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
These 31 Gross People Really Put The ‘Trash’ In ‘Trashed’
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested