Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
