True but thats because hes a fetus.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
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