I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
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