what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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