butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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