just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
