I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
