Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Randomize
