No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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