I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
