there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
