2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
