She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
You don't make any sense
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