My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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