i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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