The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I could fuck to npr.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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