I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Randomize
