A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
we're so committed to being not committed
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I party with great urgency now.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
