Sry I called you an 8
I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
