he thought i was a dude.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
