i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
