I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize