AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
