I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
