things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
