Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
