Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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