I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
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She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
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My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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