you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
