NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I think a kid would responsible me up
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
