i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
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