He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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