Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
