I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
