haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
