I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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