I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
It's rum buckets o'clock
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
