tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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