Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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