I wish I could punch you in the face.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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