playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Randomize
