We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
