Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
