she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
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The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
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How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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