Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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