He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Randomize
