You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
