It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize