I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
