apparently the secret to your success is patron
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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