if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
