my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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