I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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