Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
