Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
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