yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize