apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
