Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
