TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
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