you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
