On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
