I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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