I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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